Hormones & baby clothes

1. Went to Target to pick out bedding for the new bed and couldn't decide what I wanted. Almost started crying because I couldn't decide. Bill managed it all so sweetly and got us out of there with a nice set. Hormones. Derp.
2. The smallest little things are overwhelming me. And I hate not being able to control my wackadoo emotions. I started right back at work last week which I didn't think would be a big deal because I work from home and only a couple of hours a day. But I shouldn't have. I should have given myself a longer break. I should be allowing myself to relax and recover. Bill is taking 3 weeks off. And It's so nice having him home with us. It just sucks when everything is fine but it doesn't feel like it. (see above: Hormones. Derp.)
3. Some people say retail therapy doesn't work. But when I look at the cute little clothes I bought Mina I feel a lot better.
4. I hate doing fist bumps and Bill is always trying to get me to do them. They are stupid.
5. But right now Bill is baking me cookies. So... best husband ever.

eBay eBay eBay

1. People have asked how we decided on the name Mina. Well, when we started trying to have babies, we had the name Parker Grace picked out. We liked that it wasn't really girly. But then we had 3 boys. When we found out we were having a girl we started name hunting again for something pretty and feminine. I liked Ramona and Tessa. Bill liked Franny and Minnie. The boys liked Olivia. We couldn't quite agree. I was looking at names that started with M and came across Mina. I loved it. Bill loved it. And ALL 3 boys liked it too. So it became THE name. All of our kids' names are related to a movie/book too - and Mina is no different. The main female character in Dracula is Mina Harker. (Holden - The Catcher in the Rye, Lucas - Star Wars, Ash - Evil Dead/Army of Darkness)
2. New furniture arrived! Lots of room reconfiguring and style pinning on pinterest. Mattress coming tomorrow morning.
3. I have developed a new eBay obsession shopping for tea collection clothes for Mina. And spending a fraction of the overpriced retail cost on EUC.
4. I think my new skinny jeans are too big.
5. It seems all I've thought about today is shopping. Geez.

Criss Angel and Skinny Jeans

1. My friend Marianne came for a visit this morning with her cuties Isaac and Chloe. It's interesting to see how boys (other than our own) are only vaguely interested in Mina for a few seconds, but Coco stared at her the whole time and rarely left her side. She also wanted to pet her and hold her and swing her. She kept saying "Baby, wake up." adorable
2. We FINALLY bought a queen sized bed today! It's been in discussion for years now. We have been surviving with a full but today we moved up. We also got a new sofa and loveseat. They'll be delivered tomorrow so I'll post pics then. Thanks again goes to the wonderful Aunt Catherine.
3. I ordered two pairs of skinny jeans from American Eagle which arrived today. They fit and miraculously I actually feel skinny in them.
4. Lucas went to his friend Julio's birthday party today. Julio dresses like a hipster goth, which at age 7 is super cute. His mom said he worships Criss Angel. That is freaking precious despite Criss Angel being a total tool.
5. I bought subscriptions to Martha Stewart Living and Real Simple magazine. I am straight up 35 years old now.

5 Things A Day

Starting today...

1. Bill's Aunt Catherine is here and she's been amazingly helpful with the boys.
2. Mina and I were up together last night for 3 hours. I was tired today but it was such a special time to just stare at each other and smile while everyone else was sleeping.
3. Aunt Catherine bought us a memory foam queen mattress. Now I just need to find a bed frame I like. (also she is awesome!)
4. Mina's doctor's appt went great today. She weighs 6lb 2oz so she has increased her weight by 11oz in the last week and is now above her birth weight. A triumph when you're this tiny!
5. Bill started college again this week. I'm super proud of him for taking this on and going after something new at age 35.

From Mom of Boys to Mom of 4

I'm 25 weeks today. But I feel pretty dang overly pregnant. I'm anxious for "M.G." to get here because I can't wait to meet her. (You'll find out what those initials stand for in 15 weeks.) But I'm also excited for the fun summer ahead. We have a camping trip planned end of June. I think some friends and possibly family are visiting in July and we'll go to Phoenix as always too.

My last summer as a mom of all boys. It's going to be so weird to introduce a little girl into this mix. I'm so used to this all boy atmosphere, I'm not sure how we're all going to adjust. But I think we'll have a blast. Bill and I are obsessed with the show Parenthood and when they have their big family get togethers with the 4 kids and their families too, we always say "That's gonna be us!"

I always wanted a girl and I feel it worked out perfectly for her to be our last. I've so enjoyed being a boy's mom for almost 10 years though. I've embraced the non stop wrestling, poop jokes and stinkiness - cars, trains, superheroes, dinosaurs.

I suspect this little one will be tough and brawly like her bros though. And possibly do it in style in a tutu. If she follows after her mom she'll learn quickly that skirts go great with cowboy boots.

Luc's Birthday Cakes

Lucas, my middle munchkin is turning 7 on Thursday and we're having a party for him on Saturday. If I write more about this impending birthday I'll probably start bawling so I'm just going to talk about cakes.

This kid challenges me every year with some obscure theme and cake design. I don't usually go all out on decorations like some people - I wish I put more time into that actually but he really only cares about the cake. So that's where my brainstorming goes. My cake skills are EXTREMELY amateur. I don't use fondant, for one thing. And I have no idea what I'm doing. But I make yummy cakes and my kids love them, so the end result is perfect, as far as I'm concerned.

Here are the last few cakes from years past.

Turning 4 - Toon Link

Turning 5 - Ultraman

Turning 6 - TARDIS

Oh my gosh, looking back at these pics chokes me up. Look how tiny he was! And Ashie too... whew...

So this year he's all about Minecraft. It's a game I vaguely understand, but he and Holden think it's the greatest thing ever. This year he wants two figures for the top of the cake, and I'll probably have to figure out how to work with fondant to make these. I've seen some people that just made 3-D paper figures for the top, so it may resort to that. I need to do some experimenting. We're kind of combining elements from these two cakes I found.

WISH ME LUCK!

18 weeks pregnant and totally crazy

5 months since I last blogged. Sounds like the opening to a confession or an AA meeting.

I keep queuing up things I want to write about, and then conveniently storing them away to be forgotten and never written. I just simply need to stop NOT writing.

Tomorrow I'll be 19 weeks pregnant. I spent the first trimester in pitiful agony - not hungry one second and starving the next - but permanently nauseous and never satisfied by any meal. Thankfully that's been over for a few weeks now. But then the crazy hormones kicked in and seem to be flooding my system especially the week. I can remember feeling like my body was taken over by this alien inside me the last 3 times - and still somehow this time around feels even more drastic. I literally feel like I have no control over myself. First it was not satiating my appetite or being able to end my nausea. And now, on top of my already oversensitive sensibilities, I am what I consider an emotional wreck.

If pre-pregnancy I cried watching Extreme Home Makeover, this pregnancy I cry during a cat food commercial. If before, I cried thinking about the tsunami victims in Japan, lately I cry thinking about my neighbor's lost dog. I lose it over laundry or the pile of dishes in my sink. I blubber into my pillow because I'm exhausted but can't sleep on my back or my stomach.

I had to report to jury duty on Monday. I was putting together a plan for how I could get out of it. It was an inconvenience to send my kids to a neighbor's house after school. I had to put Ash in unfamiliar childcare in the courthouse. I'm 5 months pregnant and I need to eat and pee constantly. This was going to be a pain in the ass to endure for two weeks if I was chosen.

And then I listened to 20 people come forward to the judge and describe their actual extreme hardships. The young single mom next to me has 3 kids, the youngest only 3 months. She works full-time, isn't on welfare, doesn't have family to help her, has an ex who won't pay child support, and makes $24,000 a year. In any state, that's a hardship, but in southern California that seems near impossible. She graciously told her story, not as a complaint or an excuse, but just an honest person stating her difficulty and simply asking that she be able to go back to work to take care of her family.

I held back tears so I wouldn't embarrass her (or myself). I told her she's amazing and good luck, and she was sent on her way.

My turn to talk? Um... no nothing to say here. The hardest thing I have to do is sit here and try not to pee.

Whether it's due to extreme pregnancy induced emotional upheaval or not, this mom got to me. And though Bill and I donate to charities when we can, I feel like there is something else I want to and need to be doing to help other moms out there. I remember several times my own Mom, when we were barely getting by ourselves, used to buy bags of groceries for a friend with 5 kids. We'd surprise them showing up on their doorstep with the necessities, plus cookies for the kids and a big bag of diapers. I'd play with the kids and watch my Mom hug her friend telling her it was no big deal and she wanted to help, in such a graceful way so the lady didn't feel insulted or like a charity case. Just a friend helping a friend because she loves her.

I haven't figured out yet how I can be more like my Mom in this way too, but I'm thinking and figuring it out.

So yeah, I'm a jumble of emotions and my brain is racing with thoughts of people I may never be able to help and a plan to help ones I can. Plus I've got these 3 little boys in my house that need my constant attention, which I'm happy to give. As long as occasionally one of them can figure out how to tie his own shoes or get his own glass of milk. It can be a challenge to focus your attention outside of the home. I think any help you can give others financially through the multitude of online charities is wonderful. I think giving yourself and your time is harder but I'm feeling that pull. I just feel like I need to be doing more.

And that's my sappy maudlin post for the month. I'm only allowing myself one.